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ilanthefirst


Hello My Name Is Ilan Reshon

The rest is history.


T Update
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ilanthefirst
I was off T a grand total of about ten weeks before I saw a super-competent trans activist NP and went back on ultra-low dose gel teamed up with raloxifene, an E blocker, on 21 September.  It's only been a couple weeks, and I haven't noticed any changes or side-effects, not even the mania I got every time I started or re-started T, possibly because my other meds have changed up a bit, too.

Okay, that's not quite true; there was the one day when I forgot my T but remembered the E blocker, and I had what I think might have been a minor hot flash.  I was out in the cold wearing a hoody and windbreaker, and suddenly I had to unzip the windbreaker and wished I could unzip the pullover hoody.  By the time I got home fifteen minutes later I felt fine, but that's my best guess at what happened.  I will definitely try to be more careful about remembering my T now that it's an every day thing again.  Once I get stable with it I'm going to investigate other delivery methods so I can maybe be lazy with memory again.

I'm finding it hard to get back into the routine of being on gel again.  I apply it in the morning but have been showering around dinnertime/when I get home from work so I can sleep without clothes without exposing my partner to it.  My hair has been derp-tastic at work because of this, but I just can't talk myself into showering twice a day.  I've been having really bad dysphoria since I made my last medical transition update post and can't shower unless I turn the lights off and play really loud, complicated/engaging music.  Showering is definitely the low point of my day.

Speaking of medical transition updates, there will be no more top surgery updates.  Dear posterity, I apologize, but I just can't.

Keep passing the open window
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I haven't been here in a while because my life kinda fell apart.  I guess I just want to let people know I'm alive in case anyone was wondering, or even just to put it out there for myself because I want it to be less surprising to me.  I'm trying to catch up on everyone's posts from the past two months.  I want to say more but don't even know where to start.

Post-Op: Week 4
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ilanthefirst
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T update: 21 days off T
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Today is the twenty first day since my last scheduled injection, which was canceled because I discontinued T for top surgery.  I got the okay from my surgeon to restart five days after surgery, which would have been one week after the missed dose.  But, I didn't.  And I haven't had a major breakdown before the twenty day mark like I did the last two times I stopped T.  I sorta think I'll start T again, but right now I don't feel like I need it.  I especially don't need it while I'm still spending most of my time alone at home. . . with the internet. . . because I'm not supposed to get my heart rate up.  When I have found myself. . . irresistable, I experienced worsened pain in my chest (probably from swelling, bane of my existence), so I think there's a good reason for me to do whatever I can to avoid any sexual activity for a few more weeks.  I haven't decided if I'm going to continue with injections or go back on gel, since I still have most of a bottle of AndroGel 1%.
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Overmorrow
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This post is embarrassingly doubly backdated.  This first part is from last Monday, 6/22.

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I started writing this yesterday, 6/29, but had friends over to distract me from my worrying so didn't finish until today.

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Another outdated post
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I failed to actually post this last week when I should have, but here it is anyway.

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Beep boop
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And I meant to post this one yesterday but fell asleep before finishing it. . .

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T update: two years
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Well, this is a very special day indeed!  Two years ago today, I administered my first dose of T.  It wasn't a decision I found easy, and I can't say I haven't looked back since, but it's been a lifesaving experience for me, and I don't see myself discontinuing it any time soon.  I've more or less been on what I'm going to call an ultra-low dose, aside from a brief period when I was on a just plain low dose.  Because there's still not a huge amount of information available for non-binary DFAB people considering low-dose T, I'm going to write a veritable novel in hopes that it will help someone else, especially if I get lazy about updating like I have for the past year.

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Since I haven't updated in a while, I thought I'd comment on some recent changes.

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At risk of beating a dead horse, I considered recapping the changes I've gotten over the past two years.  I'm a little worried that in a few more years, I won't remember how things were pre-T, but perhaps I've already forgotten.  Anyone who's interested in the details will have to read through my tagged posts.  To the general reader I've never met, please feel free to contact me if you have any questions about non-binary medical transition or just want to connect with a kindred spirit.
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Top surgery update
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I had my second consult with Dr. Fischer today and wanted to post something quick, even though I've got a couple drafts of actual content floating around that I should finish.  The good news is that I'm still borderline for peri, but now a slightly better candidate than I was last year, so we are going ahead with the surgery!  I was scared because my chest is kinda inflamed right now due to the whole cycles not stopping thing.  Dr. Fischer was very confident about it, which helped put me at ease.  She said there was really no benefit to building a bunch of chest muscle now, although I'll still try to get to the gym some time soon.  My pecs are already well-defined enough that she didn't think I'd have any problems with nipple position, which is kind of hard to control with peri.

I got all the pre-op instructions and clarified some details.  After I explained my history of a bleeding disorder, they're not going to force me to stop T but did recommend I discontinue it for the week before surgery.  Normally they'd recommend stopping for two weeks before and at least a week after, and going to a half dose four weeks before (ha, joke's on them, I'm on the lowest metered dose and couldn't halve it if I tried).  They were happy I warned them that my medical clearance would have that on it before they saw a red flag like that.

The bad news is that they billed my insurance for the out-of-network rate even though we went through a ton of trouble to get it counted as in-network because my insurance company is tiny and doesn't have anyone who does FTM top surgery in their network.  So they quoted me three times what they should have for my contribution, which is about $1000 more than I can actually pay right now/  I have until mid-June to pay it, so that's enough time to save up some more if necessary, but I'm still hoping I'll be able to convince my insurance company to cough up the rest given the paperwork we painstakingly completed.  My partner's still out of work but will probably have a job by July, so I'm hoping I'll have secondary insurance to help with whatever's left over.

I hung out with three friends from college afterwards.  Two did not know about my transition, and one of them figured it out and was cool about it.  But those two obviously weren't people I'm especially close to, so the stakes were low.  I have a big meeting with my thesis advisor tomorrow about my qualifying exam and the status of my work (which was going really well until a few weeks ago when things kinda fell apart), so I should go to sleep.  I mostly wanted to squee about how this is actually happening!

T Update
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This long-overdue update pertains to July 2014 through January 2015, during which time I was on 1.25 g Androgel 1.62% daily.  I stopped taking T for a few weeks starting at the end of January and restarted on my previous dose of 1.25 g Androgel 1% daily in mid-February.
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